For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Psalms 139:13-15
Right now its 11pm, I am sitting on the bed thinking and feeling some things that I needed to put into words and for reasons I have yet to fully understand I feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings with others, maybe my thoughts and feelings will help you in some way.
It seems like every day lately I am hearing of the death of someone who has at some point been a part of my journey through life. I have said it before and will surely say it again but experiencing my father’s death when I was sixteen years old changed the way that I think about life and death. I think that although we know that death is the most inevitable part of life it is always heartbreaking when we have to face the fact that we will no longer have our loved ones in this life with us, yes we’ll always have them in spirit but knowing that doesn’t always make you feel better, especially when you are in the thick of the never ending process of grieving. Most people see the death of a young person or someone who was not ill and seemingly healthy as an untimely or sudden death but I don’t think that way any longer I believe that on the day of your birth God has already planned just how long he will give you time in this life, unfortunately that time is longer for some than it is for others.
In the last week and a half the earthly journey ended for four people who were once a part of my trek through this life. I am hoping and praying that the phone doesn’t soon ring with news of another death. I thought that I had reached a point in life where hearing of death really didn’t affect me, but I’ve been proven wrong on that in the last few days. Although I am forever grateful for the lives of those four people and all my loved ones who have been called to their eternal home, I am feeling a bit melancholy because the realization that I will never see those people in this life again has hit me and I haven’t learned how to turn off that feeling. Having so much death happening around me has made me earnestly think about how immensely precious the time is that God gives us on this planet, on this side of life.
Last week I celebrated my birthday by having dinner with my small circle of close family and friends, none of them know it because I didn’t say anything, but I set at the table with them near tears thinking of how thankful, grateful and blessed I am because God not only allowed me to still have breath in my body to celebrate another year of life, but he allowed me to share time with some of the people that I love most in this world. The love that my family gives me is a blessing that I honestly don’t always feel worthy of. They love me through all situations and circumstances, flaws and all. There aren’t any words in any dictionary that I could use to describe how blessed I feel because God allowed me to be born into such an amazingly awesome family. They are my most cherished gems.
I think about my family, and the many other amazing people God has placed throughout my life, and I realize just how precious life is, and how immeasurably blessed the time God has given me thus far in this life has been. My heart is so full in this moment because all my ups and downs, good times & bad times have made me realize just how precious life truly is and I thank God for that realization.
That’s just my perspective!💜