He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength . They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40: 29 & 31NLT
My goal for the month of August 2018 has been to post something that I deem meaningful every Thursday in the month, well it is only the second Thursday in the month and I’ve been racking my brain all week trying to come up with something meaningful to say today. Lately my prayer in regards to this blog has been “God please give me the words that you want me to give to others.” Earlier this week I literally found myself saying “God, what’s up, are you going to give me something to say to my blog readers, because I am drawing a blank, you’ve given me the mindset to post something once a week this month, so you have to help me out.”
Recently I have been dealing with having severe abdominal pain and no one who has achieved M.D. behind their name has been able to figure out what the exact cause is, so I’ve been feeling not at my best and procrastinating for most of the day. I said to myself “Okay Zee, you’re going to have something posted by noon today,” at noon I was still drawing a blank and had no idea of anything I was going to say in this post, so I decided to take a nap and thought maybe God will give me the words after I sleep on it for a little while. At 1:30, I was awake and a bit more enegerized than before my nap, but my mind was still blank as far as this post was concerned. All of a sudden it became real cloudy outside and started to thunder, you know, it was one of those pop-up thunderstorms that seems to come from out of nowhere and I thought alright its about to rain and writer’s block is still laying on me strong, maybe God has nothing for me to share today, maybe it is just not in his plan for me to post something today, so I’m going back to sleep.
Now yall, I always wonder about people who say that God talks to them, but I think my mind has changed about that. I’ve been thinking about, no, honestly dwelling on all the aches and pains and sickness that I have had to endure in my life, but I had decided not to write about that because I don’t want my perspective to turn into my testimony. At that point in the day when I thought I had decided not to attempt to post anything today, God said “Zena, girl, now you know life doesn’t go your way, what I say goes, you are writing something today.” and he gave me the words/phrase your pain is the road to triumphant strength and there is triumphant strength on the other side of the storm. Scared into obedience, that was me. I started writing and couldn’t stop, so if this turns into the longest Perspective By Zena T. post that I have shared thus far just know that I am being obedient.
As I said in Perspective #42 The Road To Loving Me, one of the things that I have questioned more than any other about me and my life is “why did I have to be born with Spina Bifida?” and “why do I have to have so many medical difficulties?” Having been born with Spina Bifida has not at all been the most awful thing in my life, as a matter of fact at times although I feel like its a bit selfish of me, but I find myself thanking God and being grateful because I don’t have as many health problems as most people who were born with Spina Bifida. I’ve never considered it a curse or placed blame on anyone because I was born with Spina Bifida, but throughout my life I have found myself very often asking God, why he chose to make being born with a “disability” and having to deal with being sick so often a part of my journey through this life? In the last year and a half with all the reflection and introspection that I have been doing I have been trying to not allow Satan to gain a grasp on my left hand while loosening God’s hold on my right hand (see perspective #35). I will honestly confess that in the last few weeks there have been several times that Satan’s strong hold took over me and had me once again asking God “why am I having to endure all this pain, why did you choose me for this?”
If you have read any one of my previous posts then you know that God has made me realize that there is a lesson in every trial that he sends me through, so I have taught myself instead of asking “why” start asking God, what is the lesson in this trial, what is it that you are trying to show me by presenting me with this difficulty or this difficult time in my life? What lesson is embedded in this experience? I have never thought of myself as a strong person, mentally, emotionally and surely not physically, but now that I have had thirty-six years to go through asking “why?” now that God has given me a chance to reflect upon all the surgeries and everything else that I have been through I realize those things in part have shaped who I am, how I think about so many things and how I see this life.
In this moment I have come to realize and believe that God has been trying to show me that I am much stronger than I have always seen myself or thought that I am. God made me strong because he knew that I would have to endure a lot of pain and it would take that pain for me to see my strength. I guess that’s the lesson that I am supposed to learn from my current and past pain. There is triumphant strength to be rewarded at the end of each storm life brings my way. Wow! What lessons you can learn from just being obedient, listening and doing what God is telling you to do.
That’s just my perspective!💜