Thoughts & Prayers #55

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth Psalms 145:18ESV

It’s been another one of those weeks when it seems like every time the phone rang it was with news of the death of someone who has been a part of my journey throughout this life. It’s always interesting to me that death makes me think more in depth about life. I’ve been thinking about how whenever something tragic happens in a person’s life the people around them will say that they’re in their thoughts and prayers. I often wonder if the sentence “you’ll be in my thoughts and prayers” is something that has become commonplace to say, because we don’t know exactly what to say when tragedy arises in the lives of those around us. I question if people really pray for me when they’ve said those words to me.

“You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers” was a statement that I heard a lot when my daddy died, even then I remember thinking to myself “yeah right you’re just saying that, you’re not really going to pray for me.” I only have a handful of people in my life who I truly feel keep me in their thoughts and prayers no matter what. I am honestly guilty of saying those words to people because I just didn’t know what else to say and I honestly planned on saying a word of prayer for them but simply forgot. It was never because I didn’t mean it or because I didn’t care about what was going on in the life of the person that I said it to, it was simply because I forgot to place them in my prayers. That probably seems awful of me, but I’m human and I forget things sometimes.

These days I’ve gotten in the practice of whispering a word or two of prayer as soon as I tell someone that they will be in my thoughts and prayers, because the older I get, the more I believe in and understand the importance of prayer. I feel like it’s a statement that shouldn’t be thrown around as often as it is simply because you don’t know what’s best to say in certain situations. I guess maybe I am just not one hundred percent trusting of people to do what they say they are going to do, but I would prefer that people not tell me what they think I need to hear in the moment if they aren’t truly going to keep me in their thoughts and pray for me. I hope that I am wrong the next time someone tells me I’ll be in their thoughts and prayers and I think to myself sarcastically “yeah sure you will” because it’s a blessing to have people think enough of you to say a pray for you.

That’s just my perspective!💜

Disheartened, Frustrated & Angry #54

img_0685Lately I’ve really been struggling with what to share with you all. I think in the last week, almost two I’ve been subconsciously distracting myself to refrain from sharing anything on my blog, because I just haven’t had anything uplifting, enlightening or inspiring to share. As the saying goes, honesty is the best policy so I’ve decided that as usual I’ll just be honest with my blog family, hoping that someone will understand my feelings. Some of you may even be feeling the same way.

I have spent the last few months wishing that God had made me a little different. I wish that God had not made me a person who is so deeply affected by everything that is going on in the world around me. I really don’t want to keep writing about all the extreme negativity going on in the world, specifically in the United States, but unfortunately right now that’s what is constantly on my mind. Several of you in my blog family know me personally and know that I am not a hate filled person. I am a quiet person who tries to live life getting along with all others even if I disagree with something you’ve done or said I try to avoid conflict with others. I feel like most of the time I am pretty easy to get along with. I wish it was that simple for everyone.

Last Saturday I laid in bed once again watching news coverage of yet another mass shooting, I’m sure many of you were watching. Since I am being honest I have to admit that I laid in bed crying because I’m so tired of living in a world where people use guns to murder other human beings simply because they believe in something different or because they are of another race. A week earlier there was the man who decided to make and send bombs to politicians through the mail, thank God that situation wasn’t as horrific as it could have been. Oh let’s not forget the two people who were killed in Kentucky simply because they were two African Americans at the grocery store. Yes, that’s the world we are living in, all of that happened within what, a week.

I just do not understand how someone can be so filled with hate that they want to kill others simply because they are different in some way. I wish that I understood what’s going on in not only the United States, but all over the world, the hatred that exist is appalling to me. Why is it that we don’t take the time to understand each other? We are all so vastly different and in 2018 nearing 2019 there are still people in this country and in this world who can’t seem to understand or maybe just refuse to accept it. Apparently that’s the way that God wanted things to be, God made us all in his image (read Genesis 1:27) obviously God didn’t mean for us all to be exactly the same.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said “Let no man pull you low enough to hate.” I don’t want to live my life hating anyone for any reason and as naïve as it may seem I wish I could cure all the hate that has existed in this world for far too many generations. We live in a time where you aren’t completely safe anywhere, not your house of worship or your own home. It makes me angry and sad all at once. Something is wrong in this world and we have got to fix it. The hate and division has got to come to an end.

I really don’t have the vocabulary or full capacity to tell you all just how massively frustrated I am with the state of this country and the world around me. I want my five year old nephew to be growing up in a better world. I know that right now he doesn’t even understand any thing other than the life of a happy kindergartener, he’s not yet focused on what’s happening in the world around him, but by the time that he is I want this country and this world to be so much better. In ten years when my nephew is a teenager I don’t want him to be living in a world where young African American males are being killed by the police or where young people who have been bullied choose to go into their schools and murder their teachers and classmates. I don’t want my nephew living in a world where Jewish people are afraid to go and worship at their synagogue or where African American people go to Wednesday night bible study and can’t be Christ-like choosing to invite in a stranger because that stranger just might be a young man who has been taught to hate and has malicious intentions. I want my nephew and all the children in this country and throughout the world to have better leaders who actually genuinely care about the welfare of others. I am angry and frustrated because the world has been in this state for far too long and it doesn’t seem to be any change near, it seems each day its only getting worse. Change has to come soon, its imperative.

That’s just my perspective!💜

Rainy Day Rollercoaster Ride #50

img_0576I’ve made a list of a variety of topics that I might want to write about for my 50th blog post, but none of those things are on my mind today. On this rainy Wednesday, what’s on my mind and in my heart is the subject that you all know is never far from my mind and always in my heart, my daddy. You all probably get tired of reading about him, but I never get tired of writing about him.

I can’t remember the name of the blog, but earlier this week I read another blogger’s story about the death of her best friend and how she was feeling about it. I left a comment telling her that I hope that writing is therapeutic for her, because grief is a never ending process that can take your life on a scary rollercoaster ride of emotions all in one day.

I feel like it has been nearly twenty years since that Wednesday evening that my daddy left this life and I should be over it, but my mind seems to be stuck in time. I’ve tried as best I can to shake it but I just can’t get that day out of my mind, I can even remember things that I did at school that day well before the hour of daddy’s death.

Today as I began to prepare to write my blog post, I thought to myself, “I wonder if my daddy would be proud of me and my blogging journey, I wonder if he would be proud that I finally found something that I am passionate about and I wonder if Daddy would be proud of the person that I’ve become since his death.” That thought brought along a myriad of emotions for the rest of the day.

I will never forget how happy my daddy was that day, he had been so sick the previous week and my momma had to take him to the emergency room exactly a week before, so it was really great to see Daddy back to his normal self, joking about everything. There was no way to tell that it would be the last day of his earthly life. No son or daughter should have to go through what my brother and I went through that evening, I don’t understand why that was God’s plan for us at 11 and 16 years old. Why did we have to bare seeing our daddy laying over the steering wheel completely lifeless after having a massive heart attack in the car that we rode all over town with him in. I apologize if that’s too graphic for you, but it’s our reality. Can you all imagine how I felt walking out of my high school to witness that, the feeling hasn’t gone away. He was feeling so good that day, why is he gone now? I asked that question for a long time afterwards.

Nearly 20 years later I realize that Daddy died at the moment, second, minute, and hour that God had already chosen for him but that realization really doesn’t make me feel any better. I miss him and I feel like the deep pain in my heart isn’t ever going away, it hurts so bad and I just want it to go away so I can feel better. I probably shouldn’t be sharing all of this on the internet, but I figure maybe someone who is stuck on the rollercoaster ride called grief like I am may need to know that someone else understands. There may be another daughter out there whose father has left this life and she is hurting because regardless of age daughters need their fathers just as sons do, well maybe that daughter needs to know that her struggle is understood.

My daddy was such an awesome person and a great daddy who loved wholeheartedly, I feel like a part of me left this life along with him. I think I may have written about it before, but my daddy’s death has made me love, value and worry about my mother more than I did twenty years ago. I’ve become very protective of her, at times probably a bit overly protective. One of my daily prayers is that God gives my mother longevity in this life. I ask that of God a few times a day, although I know death is inevitable thinking about having to experience her death only adds to the soul deep pain that I already feel. I want to get off of this rollercoaster ride called grief and never have to get back on it.

That’s just my perspective!💜

Finding Moments Of Contentment #49

On my message of encouragement that I have started trying to post weekly on my social media accounts that I created to accompany this blog, I wrote about the ways that I try to encourage myself when I have allowed life to make me feel overwhelmed and frustrated. I believe that it is so important to develop ways to encourage yourself when all of the trials we encounter in this life overwhelm and frustrate you. In this life, we are all going through something and sometimes its necessary to encourage yourself because you can’t depend on anyone else to do it for you.

6550C2A4-D01B-4C68-979B-EEB474497C3BIt was last weekend when I realized that I can find contentment in overwhelming times. Lately I have been feeling like I’ve been running on empty. I have been dealing with some health problems and just feel very discouraged and overwhelmed with a million of life’s issues on my mind. I had a moment of contentment last weekend. It was a bright and sunny, beautiful weekend. The fact that I got a chance to spend some much needed bonding time with my nephew Tristan, made the beautiful weekend even better. He arrived Friday evening, cranky after a long day of being a Kindergartner so he didn’t want to have much interaction with me and I was not offended.

Saturday morning I woke up with Tristan asleep next to me, I couldn’t move even if I wanted to because he was literally almost under me. I am sure if you have a little person around his age (5) in your life then you know just the position I was in. I think little children turn into gold medal winning Olympic gymnasts while they are asleep. I laid there a little uncomfortable yet feeling a sense of contentment, because laying directly next to me was this incredible little boy who in just five years has brought an infinite amount of joy into my life. I couldn’t move, all I could do was smile.

180717_120050_27Once Tristan woke up we spent the next few hours of Saturday morning watching Bubble Guppies together, neither of us had a care in the world. It is amazing how a child can bring so much joy into your life and remind you of what’s really important in life. During my nephew’s visit I didn’t think about all the issues that I had been overwhelmed by, all that mattered was spending time with the best nephew in the world, that was contentment for me.

That’s just my perspective!💜

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An Abyss Of Negativity #47

juan-davila-221687-unsplashWhen I go into my quiet space to sit down and concentrate on writing, the first thing I do is pray that God will give me the words that he wants me to share with others. I also pray that the words I share will somehow have a positive effect on those who choose to read them. I also hope to not repeat myself too often, but I guess if God places a certain topic on my mind more than once it needs to be repeated.

For the last two days, I’ve been having a really difficult time coming up with a positive subject to write about, because honestly what consumes my mind these days isn’t very positive. I’m not sure that today’s perspective will have a positive impact on anyone. Everyday when I open my eyes from a night’s sleep I say a silent prayer thanking God for giving me another day of life and I attempt to start the day with a grateful heart, because I believe that God allowing me to wake up to see the light of another day on this planet means that I haven’t fulfilled his purpose for my life yet. I don’t know about you but I feel like that’s something to be extremely grateful for.

I try to live my life being someone who gives love, kindness, and compassion and treats everyone as I would like to be treated. It seems like I am living in a world where not everyone tries to be kind. I feel like I’m trying to be a positive minded person while almost suffocating in an abyss of negativity. When I look at the world outside of my family and my comfort zone there seems to be more negativity than there is positivity. It’s like I said in perspective #24, we’re living in a world that is unnecessarily divided and it doesn’t make any sense to me.

It seems to me that everything that makes us who we are, is also the things that divide us and I don’t understand that. Our race divides us. Our socioeconomic status divides us. Our educational backgrounds divide us. Our career choices divide us. Our sexual orientation divides us. Our faith/religious beliefs and political views divide us. Sometimes I feel like the only thing that makes us similar is that we’re all human beings who can’t seem to accept one another and live together in peace. I am guilty of having judged other people for some of those things that I said divides us, but as I grow and mature personally I am trying to be someone who only sees another human being when I meet someone, I pray that God shapes me into someone who doesn’t make immediate judgments of anyone. I’ll admit God is still working on that part of me.

mike-wilson-21985-unsplashWe’re living in a world where so many terrible things that just should not exist or happen have become commonplace, for instance just this morning there was yet another mass shootings, this time in Ohio where three people were killed by one gunman, someone who probably should not have been allowed to purchase any kind of weapon. The national news channel that I was watching broke away from discussing the myriad of issues happening in the world of politics for only a few minutes so that an anchor could give a few details of the shooting. It’s just my opinion, but I think any time there is a loss of lives that’s a news story that deserves more than a few minutes of airtime. It’s like we’ve become immune to horrific things like shootings taking place every day, things that should be tremendously vexing have become normal occurrences that we think nothing of or that only gain our attention for a little while. I don’t ever want anyone who reads my blog to think that I am being judgmental that is never my intention. I just write about the world as I see it and right now the condition of the world, especially the United States, really bothers me, it actually makes me angry when I think about it.

I have heard a lot of people blame the current occupant of the oval office for people being so divided in America, while I am not and never will be a fan of his, I don’t think one hundred percent of the blame should be placed on him. I do however, think that he and several of the people working alongside him have rubbed a ton of salt in a wound that it seems is never going to heal, by exhibiting such contentious behavior, but we were already a country divided when he gained his title.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”I think I’ve said it many times throughout this blog and will probably say it again many times but, I very often wish that I could be the change that I’d like to see in this world. I have come to the conclusion that if we don’t all work together to make change happen then things will always remain the same or get worse.

Here I go questioning God again, but I always wonder why God allows all the horrible things that are occurring in the world to happen every day. As always I wonder if there is a lesson in it all. Is God trying to tell us something and we’re misunderstanding it. What do you think?

That’s just my perspective!💜

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It’s Really Not About Me #44

While scrolling through social media today I came across a quote that said “God can use our simple words in profound ways.” I’m not sure who the author of the quote is, but if I did know I would send that person a thank you note, because those words made me think about the many reasons that I love expressing myself through writing so much.

I recently had a conversation with my mother about why I continue to share my thoughts, feelings and life from my perspective, if you know me then you know that my mother is my sounding board, my listening ear, my advice giver, let’s just say that my mother serves a tremendous amount of roles in my life. I know that she will always be one thousand percent truthful with me even if she has to risk hurting my feelings. Ultimately I always appreciate her brutal honesty. During our conversation, I was explaining to Momma that my reason for continuing the blog has become something that even I don’t fully understand sometimes. I feel very deeply, strongly compelled to share my thoughts and feelings. My mother is the one human being who I seek validation from, her opinion on any and every thing I do means more to me than that of any other person. I said to her “Momma, does it sound crazy that I feel that sharing my perspective on life is what God wants me to do and is leading me to do?” Momma’s answer was short, she very matter-of-factly said “No, it doesn’t sound crazy.” After blogging sporadically for nearly three years and always being very apprehensive about posting very personal feelings to share with anyone in the world who chooses to read what I post, it was my mother’s validation that I needed to feel comfortable with just letting go and letting God use me for his will. I think that writing for this blog has allowed me to go through a lot of personal growth but I realize that is not the only reason that God has led me to do this.

Since I’ve been sharing my perspective on this blog I am always amazed first of all when people tell me they read it regularly and second when someone tells me that something I said within one of my posts helped them in a positive way. I know many of you amongst my loyal audience are people who have known me since I came from my mother’s womb, you all know that I am a very introverted, quiet, borderline shy young woman. I have trouble with accepting compliments, because I feel like I’m just being Zena and it’s not necessary to compliment me for that. Now, that doesn’t mean that I want you all to stop complimenting me, it just means that I don’t always know how to reply to your compliments, because honestly they sort of make me uncomfortable and make my heart happy all at the same time, I’m sure that sounds weird. I consider myself the far opposite of an attention seeker, but when someone tells me that something I have shared has made an impact on them and the way they think about life and/or the things happening around the world, well, I just don’t have the words in my vocabulary that can truly express exactly how hearing that or reading comments that express that makes me feel, it really means so much to me. I believe that making a positive impact on others is why God has led me to share my perspective and testimony about the things that I am going through or have gone through and gotten to the other side of.

This has become one of those posts that I think I will start calling my testimonial perspective posts, because it has really made me think a lot about life while writing it. It’s one of those posts that I am a little apprehensive about sharing online but I’ll share anyway. For many of my adult years so far, l have spent a lot of time thinking about and questioning my purpose and my place in this world, you all know, you read it, I am always writing about finding purpose and walking in purpose. As the tears roll while I am writing these words I realize that maybe part of God’s purpose for my life is to help others who are going through life’s trials, to look at the brighter side of things. I know from my own personal experiences that when you’re going through something difficult it can be extremely hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I’ve learned that if you just keep on walking there are always brighter days ahead. I realize that there are so many people in this world who have been through so much more than I have and are going through so much more than I do on a daily basis, but I know that God has led me to share my life in words because just one of his children needs the words that he has given me to express to the world.

That’s just my perspective!💜

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The Road To Loving Me #42

matteo-paganelli-157464-unsplashI always have a really hard time when God lays something very personal on my heart to share with my Perspective By Zena T. readers and this has been one of the most difficult perspectives for me to put into words thus far. As always I pray that God has given me the words that he wants me to share with others, even if I don’t fully understand why he fills my mind and heart with certain words to share.

A couple days ago I saw a snippet of an interview that the entertainer Bobby Brown did recently, the interviewer asked him the question “what’s one lesson that you’ve learned that has aided in you being able to move on from all the bad times in your life?” Bobby Brown’s reply to this question was “learning to love myself.” I thought that was a very profound statement. Hearing those four words made me think about how the journey towards completely loving one’s self is not always an easy journey and I started to reflect upon how I feel about myself. I am at a place in life where I am able to admit that learning to love myself completely has been a gradual, endless process that at times goes at snail’s pace with many setbacks. Honestly right now at thirty-six years old I think I am just beginning to accept myself yet I am still trying to figure out who I am. I’m not even sure that makes any sense. There are many things that I love about the person that I am but after reflecting upon it I am just not sure I honestly love myself as wholeheartedly as one should.

nick-fewings-532590-unsplashPlease don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all saying that I don’t love myself, let me repeat that, I am not at all saying that I don’t love myself, I just feel like there are parts of me that are easier for me to accept and love than other parts are. I think I’m a great girl who has a good heart with a big capacity for love, caring, kindness, compassion and many other good characteristics. The reason that I say I’m not sure if I love myself as wholeheartedly as one should is because I always find myself asking God “why” in regards to who I am and my life. Why can’t I do this or that? Why can’t I be like this person or that person? Why did I have to be born with Spina Bifida? Why do I have to have so many health trials? Why am I such a deeply sensitive person? Why am I antisocial? Why can’t I be a better daughter, sister and friend? I’m not downing myself and I don’t want anyone to think that, I’m just telling you what God has placed on my heart and being truthful with myself and anyone reading this.

I have come to realize that there are parts of myself that I’ve always had a great deal of difficulty accepting therefore I am not able to thoroughly love all parts of me. I always feel like although there are things I don’t like and/or love about me and my life I am grateful for my life, but I wonder if having problems with parts of me ultimately makes me an ungrateful person, which isn’t who I want to be. I am beginning to recognize the fact that I dwell too much on my imperfections and not enough on the good parts of who I am. I admire confident people who seem to be in a place where they have learned to wholeheartedly love themselves, imperfections & all and are completely comfortable walking through life in the skin that God placed them in. I pray that God continues to work with me on my journey toward completely loving myself and allows me to some day look in the mirror and wholeheartedly love the person looking back at me and who he made me to be.

That’s just my perspective!💜

Life Is Immeasurably Precious! #41

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Psalms 139:13-15

Right now its 11pm, I am sitting on the bed thinking and feeling some things that I needed to put into words and for reasons I have yet to fully understand I feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings with others, maybe my thoughts and feelings will help you in some way.

It seems like every day lately I am hearing of the death of someone who has at some point been a part of my journey through life. I have said it before and will surely say it again but experiencing my father’s death when I was sixteen years old changed the way that I think about life and death. I think that although we know that death is the most inevitable part of life it is always heartbreaking when we have to face the fact that we will no longer have our loved ones in this life with us, yes we’ll always have them in spirit but knowing that doesn’t always make you feel better, especially when you are in the thick of the never ending process of grieving. Most people see the death of a young person or someone who was not ill and seemingly healthy as an untimely or sudden death but I don’t think that way any longer I believe that on the day of your birth God has already planned just how long he will give you time in this life, unfortunately that time is longer for some than it is for others.

In the last week and a half the earthly journey ended for four people who were once a part of my trek through this life. I am hoping and praying that the phone doesn’t soon ring with news of another death. I thought that I had reached a point in life where hearing of death really didn’t affect me, but I’ve been proven wrong on that in the last few days. Although I am forever grateful for the lives of those four people and all my loved ones who have been called to their eternal home, I am feeling a bit melancholy because the realization that I will never see those people in this life again has hit me and I haven’t learned how to turn off that feeling. Having so much death happening around me has made me earnestly think about how immensely precious the time is that God gives us on this planet, on this side of life.

Last week I celebrated my birthday by having dinner with my small circle of close family and friends, none of them know it because I didn’t say anything, but I set at the table with them near tears thinking of how thankful, grateful and blessed I am because God not only allowed me to still have breath in my body to celebrate another year of life, but he allowed me to share time with some of the people that I love most in this world. The love that my family gives me is a blessing that I honestly don’t always feel worthy of. They love me through all situations and circumstances, flaws and all. There aren’t any words in any dictionary that I could use to describe how blessed I feel because God allowed me to be born into such an amazingly awesome family. They are my most cherished gems.

I think about my family, and the many other amazing people God has placed throughout my life, and I realize just how precious life is, and how immeasurably blessed the time God has given me thus far in this life has been. My heart is so full in this moment because all my ups and downs, good times & bad times have made me realize just how precious life truly is and I thank God for that realization.

That’s just my perspective!💜

No Expectations #38

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” Alexander Pope

More and more everyday I am learning to try and live life without any expectations. I have come to a place in my life where I try not to place expectations on other people, because I have learned that when you place expectations on others most times you end hurt and disappointed because the people around you are unable to live up to the expectations that you have placed on them. When I was younger I imagined what life would be like at the age that I am now but my life is completely different from how I imagined and expected it to be. Every morning when I wake up I try not to have any expectations of what is going to happen in my life because I am trying to be trusting of God and realize that regardless of what I’ve expected life to be like, God’s will, God’s plan for my life is what’s going to take place each and every day.

That’s just my perspective💜

Don’t Let The Load Loosen The Grasp #35

07CB4A51-98F6-4D31-B4DA-4B225A746014In my last perspective I wrote about how I feel that every thing that happens in this life is all a part of God’s plan for each of our lives. I’ve been thinking about that topic a lot more in the last few weeks probably because I have been paying closer attention to everything going on in the world around me. My perspective hasn’t changed, I still feel like everything that happens to us is already pre-planned by God. My thoughts have been on how some people say that God won’t put any more on us than we can bare. Sometimes it seems like God loads people’s lives with piles of problems with no solution in sight just to see how much they can bare or maybe its to show them their own strength. Maybe God piles a million and one problems on our backs with no solution in the foreseeable future to teach us to trust him. I think in some situations and circumstances when life has piled a load of problems on our backs and we don’t know how to keep carrying the heavy load while trying to continue to walk straight and travel through this rocky journey called life, that is just the time when God steps in and shows us that we can carry any load that life piles on our backs if we always trust in him to help us. God has the solution even before we are presented with the problem, but we have to trust that he will make a way when we don’t see how it’s even possible to do so. For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

We all experience times when we allow our right hand to slip away from God’s grasp, because trials and tribulations that come along with living life seem to be endless, those times when the devil gets his bullhorn out sticks it right in your ear and very loudly constantly reminds you of all the problems on your back so that you can not hear God saying “just trust in me.” I have experienced various health issues in my life due to having been born with a birth defect and those are the times in my life when I personally felt like God was putting more on me than I could bare, but they are also the times when I have come to realize I am much stronger than I feel sometimes. Lately when I experience those times I try to snap out of it really quickly by reminding myself that God gave me the gift of life for a specific purpose, a purpose he hasn’t shown me yet and while he is shaping me into the person he needs me to be to fulfill that purpose he has blessed me beyond measure and I can’t allow life’s problems to make me forget that. I may not have as many problems loaded on my back as many others in this world but my life isn’t an ease everyday, I have to remind myself that I know that God didn’t promise that life would be easy, he promised not to leave or forsake me and through fourteen surgeries and many other trials God still has a tight grasp on my right hand. Sometimes I loosen that grasp a bit, when I find myself asking “Lord why me?” and questioning him when I know I shouldn’t but I always get my answer, usually not right when I want it but always when I must need it.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

That’s just my perspective.💜

It’s All God’s Plan #34

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Psalms 32:8ESV

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9ESV

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If you’ve read anything that I have previously written you are aware that it doesn’t take much to stir my thoughts, everyday just staying abreast of what’s going on around me keeps me in deep thinking mode and wanting to write about my thoughts.

I recently heard someone say that sometimes we mess up God’s plan for our lives. It was a statement made in reference to the mistakes and bad choices that we humans sometimes make in our lives. The statement really stirred my thoughts, because I am not sure I agree with that theory. I believe that everything that happens in our lives is all a part of God’s plan for you and me. My belief is that both the good and the bad things that happen in our lives are all part of God’s plan.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a scripture that speaks of God’s plan, it’s a scripture that I have probably used countless times within my writing because it’s one of my favorites. In the good news version of the bible Jeremiah 29:11 says, I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. I think that from the time you are born into this world until the end of your life in this world God has your life all planned out, nothing that happens in your life is a surprise to God. There is nothing that you do that can mess up God’s plan for your life, because God knows what you are going to do before you do. We are all meant to go through everything that we do each and every day of our lives.

I have probably said this before, but I think God allows us to endure certain things because he wants us to learn something from the experience. You know, those times in life when the bad moments seem to occur in a domino effect, back to back and back again, those times when it seems you have more bad days than good and life makes you wonder just when will it get better. I’m sure most people may not look at those moments like I have come to look at them, but I feel like those moments just like my good times are all part of God’s plan. I have found that for me the bad times in life have been the moments that have most taught me to appreciate the gift of life. I know sometimes it seems we make mistakes or it seems we get off track in our lives but I believe that each and every thing that happens to us is all a part of God’s plan for you and me.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1Thessalonians 5:18

That’s just my perspective💜

Life Lessons 2017 Taught: #29

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It’s three days before Christmas, only eleven days left in 2017 and I woke up before the sun rose this morning thinking about my perspective of the last three hundred fifty four days. I think I have truly come to terms with the fact that there are some things in this life that we have no control over. We can only control our reactions to what God has planned for our lives and we have to accept that what God has planned isn’t always going to be in accordance with what we may want. Some awfully tragic things have occurred in this world throughout this year although I have only witnessed these things through watching television I was profoundly affected by some of them, and as I have said numerous times before I am always wishing that I could be the change that I want to see in this world, but I have concluded, that would be a huge, probably impossible job for one person. I think in order for anything in this world to change in a positive way everyone who inhabits this planet is going to have to put aside all their differences, agree to disagree and come up with solid solutions to make this planet a better place for the next generations.

Living life in 2017, has taught me that trying to be positive minded isn’t easy because img_0683-1so much happens in life that can easily destroy your positive thoughts if you allow that to happen, you have to be willing to push away all the negativity and realize that you are blessed simply just being alive. This year I have been trying to teach myself not to sweat the small stuff, and be thankful that God chose to give me life, although I am always questioning my place in this world I realize that my life is a gift that I should always be grateful for. 2017 has taught me to try my best to not have expectations of other people, because when you place expectations on others and they are unable to live up to what you expect you’ll always end up hurt, especially when that expectation is that others will want to do for you in the same way that you do for them, not everyone who you expect to care about you does and those who you don’t expect to care are the ones that care more than you’ll ever realize, life is just funny that way sometimes.

After paying attention to all the negativity in this world I have decided that I want to be someone who always tries to exude positivity, love, compassion and kindness. In 2018, and all my years to come I promise myself that I am going to aim at being a person who always has a kind word for others and who attempts to put a smile on the face of others simply because it makes them feel good, I think that is so needed in this world, because we’ve stopped being kind to one another without having a reason or no expectation of reciprocation. Looking back upon 2017, I realize that it is my opinion that there are too many people (including myself sometimes) in this world who let life and all the twists and turns that it can take you through, all the obstacles and the problems we are faced with cloud our vision and make us forget just how blessed we truly are.

The last three hundred fifty four days consisted of a lot of introspection, self reflection, talks with God, observation of others, being mindful of what I post here and it has all led me to this day Friday December 22, 2017. I want to keep in mind and hope that you do too, that just to wake up to a new day, open your eyes and see all that you have been blessed with is a blessing, even if life isn’t exactly how you want it to be, waking up with a roof over your head, in a comfortable bed, with clothes on your back, more clothes in your closet, clean running water and electricity that God enables you to keep the bills paid for, that’s a blessing that unfortunately so many do not have so you should be glad about it and don’t dwell on what you don’t have or what you can’t do.

In the coming year I pray that God allows me to do much more with this blog. I also pray that my words are having a positive impact on everyone who chooses to read them. Thank you to everyone who has read my perspective up to today.

Happy Holidays to you and yours💜